Ontophysical Materials Testing Series
The following experiments were conducted by the Ontophysical Materials Division (OMD) under the authority of Site-██’s High-Energy Conceptual Material Research Initiative. All tests were performed in Testing Chamber 3B, a temporary hardened anomaly-interaction zone equipped with an ALPACA-FG (Anomalous Local Physics Abstraction Cascade Abatement Field Generator). The ALPACA-FG is an experimental device developed internally by OMD researchers, designed to suppress ontological discontinuities, semantic leakage, and other high-risk emergent behaviors. Standard hazard containment and post-event sterilization protocols were maintained throughout.
"A cup of superfluid"
A pale blue liquid with no observable meniscus.
Vortex formation was absent when agitated. The fluid demonstrated continuous wall-climbing and inertial behavior inconsistent with classical physics. Ambient temperature remained constant at 2.17 K. Sample transferred to Anomalous Fluid Containment Assertion Vessel (AFCAV) and secured in High-Value Storage Locker 12C.
"I dropped a paperclip in and the thing yeeted it back out!"
–Dr. Pauli
"A cup of tau neutrinos"
An apparently empty cup.
16 ms post-dispense, radiation monitors registered a burst of ionizing radiation consistent with multiple coincident tau decay cascade events. Personnel reported a faint ozone odor lasting approximately 7 minutes. No further anomalous activity detected.
"A cup of entropy"
A visually unstable fluid of indeterminate appearance. Observing personnel were unable to provide an adequate visual description of the substance.
Within 0.5 seconds of dispense completion, [DATA EXPUNGED] and fragments of osseous matter were expelled into the testing chamber. Remains of deceased D-class subjects were incinerated per standard testing protocol. Testing chamber sealed for 72 hours until [DATA EXPUNGED] readings returned to within 5% of baseline. No thermal imbalance was detected, but all local timekeeping systems lost synchronization for approximately 12 hours relative to off-site atomic references.
"A cup of gluon plasma"
No fluid dispensed.
SCP-294 emitted a low-frequency hum. Display read: "ERROR 06". Diagnostic testing confirmed SCP-294 remains undamaged. Gluon plasma is believed to be outside the anomaly’s reality stability threshold, due to its confinement-only existence.
"A cup of down quarks"
A cup of dense, dark red liquid.
SCP-294's collection tray fractured under mass exceeding 80 kg, spilling the cup's contents. The fluid sank through the test platform, halting only upon impact with a neutron reflector. While SCP-294 sustained minor damage, repairs were successful and functionality restored. Anomaly has since refused all input from Researcher [REDACTED], regardless of content.
"That mass-to-volume ratio can’t be right. Either it was quarks, or a very angry metaphor."
—Dr. Harlan
██/██/20██
All Ontophysical Materials Division testing of SCP-294 has been suspended indefinitely. Further experimentation involving high-energy states, abstract physical phenomena, or hypothetical matter will require direct approval from at least two (2) members of the O5 Council.
"It's a coffee machine, not a particle accelerator. I'm putting a stop to this now, before we wind up with another SCP-2122 on our hands."
—O5-█