Please don't take this even slightly seriously.

css-mysql-integration.html

<style>
#db-name {
    type: mysql;
    hostname: localhost;
    user: dylan;
    password: boob;
    port: 3306;
}

.spoon-name {
    source: #db-name;
    table: spoons;
    column: name;
    content: column;
    select-column: id;
    select-value: 1;
}

.spoon-length {
    source: #db-name;
    table: spoons;
    column: length;
    content: column;
    select-column: id;
    select-value: 1;
}
</style>

<div id="db-name">
    <div class="spoon-name"></div>
    <div class="spoon-length"></div>
</div>