Windows PowerShell MOTD for gigachads

windows-motd.ps1

#!pwsh

# Modularized MOTD script with sequential printing

#region Helper Functions

function Write-SystemInfo {
    # Print a label and value with color
    param(
        [string]$Label,
        [string]$Value,
        [string]$ValueColor = "White",
        [string]$LabelColor = "Cyan"
    )
    Write-Host "$Label : " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor $LabelColor
    Write-Host $Value -ForegroundColor $ValueColor
}

function Get-HostnameInfo {
    # Get computer name
    return $env:COMPUTERNAME
}

function Get-NetworkInfo {
    # Get first active non-virtual adapter's IPv4 address
    try {
        $activeAdapter = Get-NetAdapter | Where-Object { $_.Status -eq 'Up' -and $_.Virtual -eq $false } | Select-Object -First 1
        if ($activeAdapter) {
            $ipAddress = Get-NetIPAddress -InterfaceIndex $activeAdapter.InterfaceIndex -AddressFamily IPv4 -ErrorAction SilentlyContinue |
                        Where-Object { $_.IPAddress -notlike '127.*' -and $_.IPAddress -notlike '169.254.*' } |
                        Select-Object -First 1
            if ($ipAddress) { return $ipAddress.IPAddress }
        }
    } catch { }
    return "N/A"
}

function Get-OSAndSystemInfo {
    # Get OS version, uptime, and RAM usage
    try {
        $os = Get-CimInstance Win32_OperatingSystem -ErrorAction Stop
        $osVersion = "$($os.Caption) $($os.Version)"

        $uptimeSpan = (Get-Date) - $os.LastBootUpTime
        $weeks = [math]::Floor($uptimeSpan.TotalDays / 7)
        $days = $uptimeSpan.Days % 7
        $hours = $uptimeSpan.Hours
        $minutes = $uptimeSpan.Minutes
        $uptime = "$weeks weeks, $days days, $hours hours, $minutes minutes"

        $totalMemGB = [math]::Round($os.TotalVisibleMemorySize / 1048576, 1)
        $freeMemGB = [math]::Round($os.FreePhysicalMemory / 1048576, 1)
        $usedMemGB = $totalMemGB - $freeMemGB
        $ramPercent = ($usedMemGB / $totalMemGB) * 100
        $ramUsage = "{0:N1}G of {1:N1}G ({2:N1}%)" -f $usedMemGB, $totalMemGB, $ramPercent

        return @{
            OSVersion = $osVersion
            Uptime = $uptime
            RAMUsage = $ramUsage
        }
    } catch {
        return @{
            OSVersion = "Unknown"
            Uptime = "N/A"
            RAMUsage = "N/A"
        }
    }
}

function Get-CPUInfo {
    # Get average CPU load
    try {
        $cpu = Get-CimInstance Win32_Processor -ErrorAction Stop | Measure-Object -Property LoadPercentage -Average
        if ($cpu.Average -ne $null) {
            return $cpu.Average
        }
    } catch { }
    return 0
}

function Get-DiskInfo {
    # Get C: drive usage
    try {
        $disk = Get-CimInstance Win32_LogicalDisk -Filter "DeviceID='C:'" -ErrorAction Stop
        if ($disk) {
            $usedDiskGB = [math]::Round(($disk.Size - $disk.FreeSpace) / 1GB)
            $diskPercent = (($disk.Size - $disk.FreeSpace) / $disk.Size) * 100
            return "$usedDiskGB""G used ({0:N0}%)" -f $diskPercent
        }
    } catch { }
    return "N/A"
}

function Get-GPUInfo {
    # Get GPU names and memory
    try {
        $gpus = Get-CimInstance Win32_VideoController -Property Name,AdapterRAM -ErrorAction Stop |
                Where-Object {
                    $_.Name -notlike '*Remote*' -and
                    $_.Name -notlike '*Virtual*' -and
                    $_.Name -notlike '*Microsoft*' -and
                    $_.Name -ne $null -and
                    $_.Name -notlike '*Basic*'
                }

        if ($gpus) {
            $gpuList = @()
            $colors = @('Yellow', 'Cyan', 'Magenta', 'Blue', 'Green')

            for ($i = 0; $i -lt $gpus.Count; $i++) {
                $gpu = $gpus[$i]
                $cleanName = $gpu.Name -replace 'NVIDIA ', '' -replace 'AMD ', '' -replace 'Intel\(R\) ', '' -replace 'Radeon\(TM\) ', 'Radeon '

                $memory = if ($gpu.AdapterRAM -and $gpu.AdapterRAM -gt 0) {
                    "{0:N1}G" -f ($gpu.AdapterRAM / 1GB)
                } else {
                    "Shared"
                }

                $gpuList += @{
                    Name = $cleanName
                    Memory = $memory
                    Usage = "N/A"
                    Color = $colors[$i % $colors.Count]
                }
            }
            return $gpuList
        }
    } catch { }
    return @()
}

function Write-GPUInfo {
    # Print GPU info
    param([array]$gpuInfo)

    Write-Host "GPU(s)      : " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor Cyan

    if ($gpuInfo.Count -gt 0) {
        for ($i = 0; $i -lt $gpuInfo.Count; $i++) {
            $gpu = $gpuInfo[$i]
            $prefix = if ($i -eq 0) { "🎮  " } else { " " }
            $separator = if ($i -lt ($gpuInfo.Count - 1)) { " | " } else { "" }

            Write-Host $prefix -NoNewline
            Write-Host "$($gpu.Name) " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor $gpu.Color
            Write-Host "($($gpu.Memory)) " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor White
            Write-Host "[$($gpu.Usage)]$separator" -ForegroundColor $gpu.Color -NoNewline
        }
        Write-Host ""
    } else {
        Write-Host "🎮  No GPUs detected" -ForegroundColor Red
    }
}

function Start-Spinner {
    # Show loading message
    param(
        [string]$Message = "Loading..."
    )

    Write-Host "$Message " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor Yellow
    $script:SpinnerMessage = $Message
}

function Stop-Spinner {
    # Clear spinner line
    $clearLine = "`r" + (" " * ($script:SpinnerMessage.Length + 10))
    Write-Host $clearLine -NoNewline
    Write-Host "`r" -NoNewline
}

#endregion

#region Main Execution

Write-Host "Yo $env:USERNAME!"  # Greet user
Write-Host "It's $(Get-Date -Format 'ddd MMM dd HH:mm') now"
Write-Host "──────────────────────────────────────────────"

$hostname = Get-HostnameInfo
Write-SystemInfo "Hostname   " $hostname

Start-Spinner "Fetching network information..."
$ip = Get-NetworkInfo
Stop-Spinner
Write-SystemInfo "Ethernet IP" $ip

Start-Spinner "Gathering system information..."
$systemInfo = Get-OSAndSystemInfo
Stop-Spinner
Write-SystemInfo "OS Version " $systemInfo.OSVersion
Write-SystemInfo "Uptime     " $systemInfo.Uptime

Start-Spinner "Checking CPU load..."
$cpuLoad = Get-CPUInfo
Stop-Spinner
Write-Host "Load Average: " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor Cyan
Write-Host ("✔️  CPU: {0:N1}%" -f $cpuLoad) -ForegroundColor Green

Write-Host "RAM Usage   : " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor Cyan
Write-Host "✔️  $($systemInfo.RAMUsage)" -ForegroundColor Green

Start-Spinner "Analyzing disk usage..."
$diskUsage = Get-DiskInfo
Stop-Spinner
Write-Host "Disk Usage  : " -NoNewline -ForegroundColor Cyan
Write-Host "✔️  $diskUsage" -ForegroundColor Green

Start-Spinner "Detecting GPU hardware..."
$gpuInfo = Get-GPUInfo
Stop-Spinner
Write-GPUInfo $gpuInfo

Start-Spinner "Finalizing system report..."
Start-Sleep -Milliseconds 500
Stop-Spinner

Write-Host "──────────────────────────────────────────────" -ForegroundColor DarkGreen
Write-Host "✿ Quote of the day: Be careful or you'll fuck shit up ✿" -ForegroundColor Magenta
Write-Host "──────────────────────────────────────────────" -ForegroundColor DarkGreen

#endregion