Skip to content

Instantly share code, notes, and snippets.

@chris-martin
Last active December 15, 2015 08:49
Show Gist options
  • Save chris-martin/5233678 to your computer and use it in GitHub Desktop.
Save chris-martin/5233678 to your computer and use it in GitHub Desktop.
A little story about the fake future history of Beer™.

If humanity's discovery of brewing had been delayed...

Beer was a food product manufactured during the early 21st century. PepsiCo's 2013 press release stated: "Beer, made with our patented Brewing Technology, comes in four exciting flavors." The wild commercial success of Beer led the company to expand its lineup in 2018 with the addition of Blueberry Blast and in 2020 with Strawberry Cream, a low-calorie variety of Beer marketed to women.

US-Mexico border relations tensed as officials, under pressure from PepsiCo, ramped up efforts to block the import of an increasing number of knockoff beverages brewed in violation of US patent law. PepsiCo v Gonzales (2017) established that most off-brand "Beers", although not corn-based like genuine Beer, still fell under the umbrella of the Brewing patent.

During the second alcohol prohibition movement of the 2030's, an FDA investigation determined that Beer's sugar content, cartoon mascot, and fruit-themed flavors constituted a thinly-veiled strategy to market alcohol to children. Although second prohibition failed to effect legislative change, it did find a partial success: Faced with the alternative of abandoning its lucrative Beer brand, PepsiCo opted to replace the entire product line with alcohol-free New Beer in 2038.

Sign up for free to join this conversation on GitHub. Already have an account? Sign in to comment