A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men. - Thomas Carlyle
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
I'll will not speak ill of no man. - Benjamin Franklin
It takes a character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. - Dale Carnegie
The deepest urge of human nature is "the desire to be important" - Dr John Dewey
The deepest principle of human nature is the "CRAVING" to be appreciated - William James
Appreciation vs Flattery
Honest appreciation has result where criticism and ridicule failed.
Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire. - Harry A. Overstreet.
If tthere is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own. - Henry Ford
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The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
We are interested in other, when they are interested in us. - Publilius Syrus
The effect of a smile is powerful - even if it is unseen. - Dale Carnegei
Principle 3 - Remember that person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Sometimes it is difficult to remember a name, particularly if it is hard to pronouce. Rather than even try to learn it, many people ignore it or call the person by an easy nickname
People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost. - P.T. Barnum
Ability to remember names is almost as important in business and social contaacts as it is in politics.
Listening is just as important in one's home life as in the world of business.
The chronic kicker, even the most violent critic, will frequently soften and be subdued in the presence of a patient, sympathetic listener. -- a listencer who will be silent while the irate fault-finder dilates like a king cobra and spews the poison out of his system.
If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, Here's the recipe:Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself. If you have an idea while the other person is talking, don't wait for him or her to finish: bust right in and interrrupt in the middle of a sentence.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people. A boil on one's neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.
Talking in terms of the other person's interests pays off for both parties - Howard Z. Herzig.
The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and asure way to their heart is to let them realize some subtle way that you recoginize their importance, and you reconize it sincerely.
Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of them - anonymous
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As I look back now I wonder how I was able to sell anything. I lost years of my life scrapping and arguing. I Keep my mouth shut now. It pays off - Ben Franklin
If you argue and rankle and contradict. you may acheive a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you never get your opponent's good will.
In article of Bit's and Pieces,* some suggestions are made on how to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument:
- Welcome the disagreement.
- Distrust your first instinctive impreesion.
- Control your temper.
- Listen First.
- Look for areas of agreement.
- Be honest.
- Promise to think over you opponent's ideas and study them carefully.
- Thank you opponents sincerely for their interest.
If you are going to prove anything, don't let any body know it. Do it so subtly. so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it. - Alexandar Pope.
Men must be taught as if you taught them not and things unknown propose as things forgot. - Alexandar Pope.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself. - Galileo
Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not tell them so. - Lord Chesterfield
One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing. - Socrates
Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes -- and most fools do -- but it raises one above the herd and give one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admin one's mistake. - Dale Carnegie
By fighting you never get enough, but by yeilding you get more than you expected - anonymous
It is an old and true maxim that "a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall". So with men, if you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein as a drop of honey that catches is heart; - Abraham Lincoln
He who treads softly goes to far - Chinese proverb
If you want enemeies, excel you friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you - La Rochefoucauld
Start to talk about yourself less and listen more to your associates.
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certian alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person's idea and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation byu givint the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing that you say by what you would want to hear if you weere the listener, an accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas. - Dr. Gerald S. Nirenberg.
Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his injury;or even inflicts a cut or bruise in order to reap abundant sympathy. For the same purpose adults... shows their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. 'Self-pity' for misfortune real or imaginary is. in some measure, practically a universal practice. - Dr. Arthur I. Gates
If you want to win people to your way of thinking, put in practice...
People are honest and want to discharge their obligations. The exceptions to that rule are comparatively few, and I am convinced that the individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair. - Dale Carnegie
This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn't enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. - Dale Carnegie. You have to use showmanship - Dale Carnegie.
The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job. - Dale Carnegie.
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How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.
Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the world "but" and ending with a critical estatement.
Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly workds wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism. - Marge Jacob
Admittings one's mistake -- even when one hasn't corrected them -- can help convince somebody to change his behavior. -- Clarence Zerhunsen of Timonium, Marylan.
Instead of pushing people to accelarate work and rush order. explain the situation accordingly and ask how can to rush the work.
Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time -- even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation. -- Dan Santarelli.
Even if we are right and other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. -
I have no right to say or do anything that diminises a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime - Antoine de Saint.
Principle 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "Hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise".
Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the ward sunshine of praise. - I Ain't much baby, but im all i got by Jess Lair.
Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillutioned.
Assume a virtue, if you have it not. - Sharespear
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The effective leader sshould keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behaviour.
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
- Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive other person really wants.
- Match those benefits to the other person's from doing what you suggest.
- When you make your requests, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.