JavaSckript Moste Evile. Run with node --harmony-proxies, then just run.

unsyntax.js

with(evil()) {
    get /user
        (response) (
            response.write("Hello, world!")
        )

    post /user
        (response) (
            response.write("Unauthorized!")
        )

    serve(8080)
}

function evil() {
    var state = 0;
    var method;
    var path;
    var argumentName;
    var responses = {};

    return Proxy.create({
        getPropertyDescriptor: function(name) {
            if(name === "serve") {
                return {value: function(port) {
                    return require("http").createServer(function(req, res) {
                        var content = responses[req.method] && responses[req.method][req.url];

                        if(!content) {
                            res.writeHead(404, {"Content-Type": "text/html"});
                            res.end("<h1>404 Not Found</h1>");
                            return;
                        }

                        res.writeHead(200, {"Content-Type": "text/html"});
                        res.end(content);
                    }).listen(port);
                }};
            }

            switch(state / 2 | 0) {
            case 0:
                method = name.toUpperCase();
                state++;
                return {value: 1};
            case 1:
                path = "/" + name;
                state++;
                return {value: function() {
                    return function(content) {
                        if(!responses[method]) responses[method] = {};
                        responses[method][path] = content;
                        state = 0;
                    };
                }};
            case 2:
                argumentName = name;
                state++;
                return {value: null};
            case 3:
                if(name === argumentName) {
                    return {value: {write: function(x) { return x; }}};
                }
            }
        }
    });
};